


A Letter to my Sexuality

by Anonymous



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27485125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Just me ranting, about my grievances about the amount of bull I have to deal with when it comes to my sexuality and identity in general. If you're gonna be negative don't even read this.Anyone can comment on their own thoughts. I put this fic here mostly because I wanted an outlet. The comment section can be your outlet as well.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Anonymous





	A Letter to my Sexuality

I guess I'll start with my asexuality. Asexuality can be different for everyone. For me it's just that I don't want any type of sex, or heavy makeouts, or 'dirty talk'. For as long as I can remember, I've never understood why many people in society thought intimacy equates to sex.

There's just a lot of erasure, and negative connotations to asexuality in media everywhere. Most of the time asexuality in shows, are either seen as something medically wrong, or a sign of sociopathy. 

I do have a hormone deficiency, but really all it does is make me not have periods for a few months. Besides that was when I was younger, and it's completely treated now. I am still asexual.

Due to the erasure, I just thought the reason why I didn't want to have sex with guys was because I was a lesbian. But then I couldn't even imagine myself with another girl. And suddenly I felt horrible. Add to the amount of heteronormative media just jumping at me, my parents having the expectations of being grandparents, and their reaction to my cousin coming out as lesbian being somewhat negative. I felt hated.

I thought I was incapable of love.

But I wasn't. 

The first person that I came out to was a college buddy, who taught me a lot more about the different sexual AND romantic orientations. A lot of the time, people thought that if you were asexual, that also made you aromantic. I'm not aromantic. 

My romantic orientation.

I'm still trying to figure it out, the two closest labels that describe it. Being panromantic, and demiromantic. Gender doesn't matter to me, I know that. But it's still incredibly hard for me to actually form a romantic connection with someone.

I've had 'crushes' before, but they were more aesthetic admiration for certain personality and colour attributes in cartoon and anime characters. Let's see if you can guess what they are with the characters I'm giving out: Buttercup, Jessica Rabbit, Shego, Orihime Inoue, Ulquiorra, Giselle from Enchanted, and L.

It took a long time before I was ever able to actually feel open to dating someone. In fact I've only ever had two significant others, one which ended after a single date(and was the source of some incredibly uncomfortable 'dirty talk') and the second which lasted a month(she was amazing, I knew her for years before I asked her out. I confused deep admiration and aesthetics for romantic attraction. We broke up on good terms.)

Although the two relationships were a bust, I still understand that I'm able to have romantic attraction. I like romance, or being romanced. 

Well thats it for now. I'll add more later I guess.


End file.
